i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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