she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
