don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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