i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
