So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
