if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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