Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
