That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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