I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
