Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
