i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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