So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
