Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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