Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
