Nicole vs. Life
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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