It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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