I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
