did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
