You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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