Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
