Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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