My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
