Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
