Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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