You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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