Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
