he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
