If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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