i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
