You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize