You don't have asthma, your pregnant
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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