if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
