Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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