i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
