I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
