Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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