She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
