You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
