i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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