a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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