My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
its liver damage thursday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
