kristin has been a bad kristin
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
