My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
