You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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