I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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