rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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