She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
