I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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