I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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