and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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