You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
