No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
