like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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