If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
