By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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