I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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