oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I pour the whiskey from now on
wow bdsm is so cute
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
