I just made out with a guy for $7.
one might say we're banned from that church
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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