Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we made out on top of his cat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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