piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
