i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
