I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
