...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
